Beer

That’s a very simple title for an exceptionally complex subject. Luckily I’m Irish so I’m fully qualified to wax lyrical on the subject of alcohol, especially beer. Some of you will disagree with what I say and that is your prerogative. However, it’s my blog, so shut the fuck up for the moment and read. Maybe a tune will help.

Snow Patrol – Just say yes

This is fucking music. Not really great music, a tune to fuck to. Wicked.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vW1hv37imjw

So, back to beer. Ireland is famous for Guinness. Probably because it’s black gold, wrapped in glass and it proves you are a man. The simple thing about beer is that nobody loves their first one. We graduate from being kids, drinking sugar water (Coke is still awesome, pair with a bacon sambo and there’s a high chance of shooting a load in your pants) to being (or trying to be!) adults drinking big boy drinks. They say Guinness is an acquired taste but the fact of the matter is alcohol is an acquired taste. Nobody enjoyed their first beer. They drank it to be a man/ be cool/ impress their friends/ or just fit in. Life is tough and your first tasty adult beverage is a milestone. Usually not a tasty one. The good news for any younglings reading this (STOP!, this is adult stuff) is that beer just gets better and better.

I’m speaking specifically about beer now because this is how most people graduate to booze. I will later address super big boy drinks, whiskey, vodka, gin and pint measures of those, but for the moment it’s all about beer.

Younglings, allow me to give you sage advice. In reality you will find almost nothing valuable in these pages, but heed these words. Alcohol isn’t about how much you can drink or who drinks the most. It’s about having a good time. I can’t stress this enough. When you’re puking your guts up in a cop shop nobody gives a fuck if you had the most booze. You might believe you have gigantic titanium balls (I thought that too) but walk into our bar and you will fall out the door carrying your balls and a badly bruised ego.

Leona Lewis – Run

I’m in a Snow Patrol mood. This is their tune but reimagined by Leona Lewis and it is stunningly beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pIieK1KfA8

Public health notice: Drink responsibly people. These are the rules:

Buy your round

Be polite, especially to the staff. If you are in a bad mood, fuck off home. Nobody loves an angry drunk.

Get drunk and enjoy the ether.

These are simple rules, follow them.

I wanted to write more and even had a general theme for this post, but I’ve managed to forget what the fuck I was thinking about and I’m getting thirsty. So, I will endeavour to write more often, safe in the knowledge that only four people read this shite (that includes me) and hope that my slightly drunken wisdom makes you smile and my choice of tunes opens your mind.

In the words of James T:

JTK: Mr Scott?

Scotty: Aye Captain?

JTK: The doors Mr Scott! (Jim Morrison would love this shit)

Please note this doesn’t translate well to the written word. I can’t remember which movie it’s in (I think it’s Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock) so watch all of them just to be sure. The worst case scenario is you will have more JTK in your life and that can only be a good thing.

So, it’s pub o’clock. I’m gonna head out and hope that today I eat the bar and it fails to eat me. I fear I’m delusional, but hope is eternal. I leave you with a tune that is a perfect warmer upper to a day at the pub.

Sonique – Feels so good

Volume motherfuckers! This requires lots of it. If this tune fails to make you horny you need to visit a hospital immediately.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVzvdCKuu4w

Live long and prosper dudery chaps. And forget the title, this post really has fuck all to do with beer!