What would happen if porn was real?
A strange question I know, but it’s highly important. Whether we like it or not (I love it!) porn is a fact of life, particularly with the advent of the internet. Porn used to be a mythical thing in Catholic Ireland, kinda like some shit from Indiana Jones. The Holy Grail or Ark of the Covenant. When some dude had access to nudey shots he was revered for a day or two and elevated to hero status. His deity status lasted until something more interesting came along.
The fact that porn was referred to in terms of being “dirty” shows how the world viewed it. These were prudish times and porn was the dirty thing that nobody spoke of but everyone thought about. It’s a bit sad really because we all love a bit of porn. Some of you may disagree with that but you are delusional and ultimately full of shit.
Whatever your taste may be porn caters to all of us. Some of it is truly weird and disgusting but regardless of taste the porn industry has something for everyone.
Anyway, back to the point. If porn were real how would it affect the world? Well, the first thing is that we’d all die. Disease would kill most of us and I’m not talking about STD’s. No. The simple fact is that if porn was real nobody would ever call a plumber.
According to the laws of porn all plumbers are hung like donkeys, ready to perform at all times and from the porn I’ve seen none of them know fuck all about fixing the shower. We’d all die because the dishes wouldn’t get washed, our clothes would be dirty and nobody would take a shower. Disease would run rampant.
Now, before anyone suggests that before plumbing the world survived, please remember this is my rant. I’m right so bear with me. I think the most amazing thing is that these days you have to make an appointment with a plumber, all of them are busy and they charge $200 to come round and service your mrs! Cheeky fuckers.
When I grow up I want to be an astronaut, soldier, fireman, etc. Fuck that! When I grow up I want to be a plumber.
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