The Demon

Morning peeps. Just had a call from one of the boys and realized I can’t remember half the night. It must have been good!

So today we’re gonna talk about booze. Simply because it’s awesome. Booze is like oil or grease, it’s a lubricant. It’s the lubricant that makes the world work. Now some of you will disagree with me but you’re wrong. For the sake of being politically correct I’ll insert a safety announcement.

Kids, booze is bad!

There, done. Anyway, drink is awesome. I’m slightly biased because I’m a binge alcoholic, but I know what’s what, so believe me on this. For those of you that aren’t sure, a binge alcoholic is a person that once they start drinking doesn’t stop til the job is done. Or the booze is finished. I don’t wake up in the morning and crave a drink. I’ve gone days and even weeks without a drink and it doesn’t affect me, but when I start I don’t stop until:

Gravity wins

The police arrive

I need to go to the hospital

Everywhere is closed

I know it’s a bit sad and some will think I’m a loser, but it’s a fact of life. I’m Irish and the stereotype is correct, we LOVE drinking.

Speaking of losers The Losers is an awesome movie so go watch it. I may have mentioned it before but it deserves a second go. Turn off brain, watch it, laugh, wince and enjoy the sheer ridiculousness of a wicked action movie. It makes The Expendables look exactly like it’s name.

So back to the Uisce Beatha. That’s Irish folks and two of about ten words I know in the language. But it’s relevant here because Uisce Beath means the water of life. In English it means whisky. Now we all know that whisky is awesome, I drank my lifetime quota of it between the ages of 18 and 22 and they were some good years.

Think about this, many countries have a drink called the water of life. Eau de vie and Aquavit are the perfect examples. Remember that this is not a recent thing, it’s many years old, centuries in most cases. So the fact of the matter is that hundreds of years ago people in different countries called their best booze the water of life. Coincidence? I think not. These fuckers knew the secret of life and it was drink! Smart boys.

Let’s start with beer. Benjamin Franklin (he da man on the hundred, I love him) was famous for many reasons. He invented bifocal glasses, lightning rods and lots of other shit. He was a true genius with theories that many of his contemporaries didn’t understand or concur with. He deserves to be on the 100 and I love to see him. However, he is misquoted many times for the awesome line “beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy”. I don’t care if it’s a misquote, it could be a downright lie and I’d still love it. I’m not a religious person, but if a church used that as a tagline then I might start believing.

One net trawl revealed that some folks don’t like Benny boy. I don’t give a shit about his politics, misquotes or his crappy hair. Ben Franklin is on the 100 dollar bill! Fuck everything else, that shit is awesome. The Mona Lisa has been copied, but if your portrait is copied millions of times a year then you must be a legend.

So, God loves us and that’s why we have beer. It’s a wicked beverage that ranges from gold to black in colour. Children don’t like it (silly kids) because it’s an acquired taste, particularly if it’s black, but acquiring that taste is a joyous thing.

As the wise proverb states, “24 cans in a case, 24 hours in a day. Coincidence? I think not.”

There is a lot more to discuss about booze but I’m sobering up so I need to refuel.