Genesis 2

Anyway. Back to the shite I originally started. This is a random spiel. It’s not really “about” anything. It’s me, when I can’t sleep, usually after a bunch of booze, writing down shit that never gets edited. I’ve made a promise to myself not to go back, re-read and edit. The shite you’re reading now is pure.

I just wrote that bit and then had to re-read all of the above. I really have no will power. But I promise I didn’t edit any of it.

So, it’s about life. Usually my life but many others will be included. Some are friends, some are just random assholes encountered along this road we call life. Mine has been an interesting one. Lots of fun has been had and I’ve done some crazy shit that others will only ever dream of along the way. It hasn’t always been mega though. There have been some shitty times but as a great man once said “Sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar eats you”.

I have eaten the bar on a number of occasions. However, if we were keeping score I think the bar’s eaten me more. I don’t like to keep score. I do believe that life is a game and I love games. Associated random thought: (Dakkin is wonderful stress relief except for noob tubers. It’s called a noob tube for a reason, noobs use it. New persons, not experienced gaming legends like me and the PIPE. Don’t go there unless you want to be deemed a cunt forever.) Life is different though. You can never “win” the game, nor can you fully “lose” it. You can be winning or losing along the way but it’s how you deal with that that makes you who you are. Whether you are winning or losing doesn’t define you, but how you deal with it does.

That’s some philosophical shite, I know, but I reckon it’s true. If you don’t believe me keep readin the stuff above until you do.

“On the eve of war” Jedi Mind Trick. If the band name and song title don’t already do it for you just tube it. A thing of beauty. Brash, simple, in your face. This ain’t Dave but it’s still brilliant.

I will reference music along the way. Like it or don’t, it’s my taste and some of it is different. Some is very commercial. My mrs laughs at me for some of the girly songs I like, then she hears a truly bizarre track and thinks I’m a loony. She’s right, I am a loony but her taste in music is rubbish so her opinion is invalid. Like it or don’t, but listen to it. Some of it is great stuff.

“The promise” Girls Aloud. Cheryl is hot but the blonde with the short hair can sing. This is just fluffy commercial crap but I like listening to it.

If you don’t like this go back to Jedi Mind Trick.

Anyway, at this stage you’ve realized tangents aren’t just mathematical thingys, I love them. So this is a diatribe. Me pouring out random shite. Thoughts about music, movies and life. I’ll share some stories about me and my friends. The facts won’t always be facts. All great stories are built up from the actual happening to the retelling in the pub to the Chinese whispers that turn a fart into a shart. But that’s how it goes.

If Popeye is in the story, or tells it, the chances of wizards and goblins will increase massively. Harry Potter or Tolkien fans please keep your doofangle in your pants. Expelliarmus. Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit are awesome and Mr. Potter has some great adventures but let’s just leave it there.

These stories will titillate, disgust and enthrall you. But mostly they will defy belief or make you LOL. In most cases the names have been changed to protect the guilty but I will always try to keep myself in them, where relevant. Trust me I’m not proud about a lot of them, but this is about life, strange, weird and beautiful as it is sometimes. A few are about me, some I’ve been a party to and some have been told to me by friends. The overall picture should be a fun one.

There are a series of book called “Hardship Posting” about expats in Asia. It’s a collection of stories about expats (usually guys) living all over Asia and some of the exploits they have been involved in. There are some funny as shit stories in there (buy it), but there are lots that me and my friends think, “Fuck, we did that last Tuesday”.

Some of these events occur over weekends away, all over the world, but a large number are just random Tuesdays in the pub. The best sessions usually occur when no plans have been made and everybody just hits a groove. Booze is flowing, ambience is good and shit just happens. Mostly, funny shit.

“Sympathy for the Devil” Rolling Stones

It will only ever be written when I’m under the influence of alcohol. Sometimes I’ll be transmogrified. Mostly it’ll be the morning after simply because I’ll have better typing skills while still retaining the truth that comes with alcohol. Please note. Alcohol is very bad. It makes you drunk, dance like a retard and get girls pregnant. Kids, don’t drink. Unless you wanna be super cool.

Reading Keith Richards autobiography right now. Get it. It’s not the best written book ever but it’s about a legend. Funny, sad, enlightening, scary and overall it seems to be straight from the heart.

This isn’t Keith Richards life, it’s mine. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I’m enjoying (mostly and currently) living it.